Production

They say if you haven't updated your blog within a month then you don't actually have a blog. I guess I just made it:

           Before I left for GlobeTREK I would have proudly identified myself by my work ethic. Coming from a Dutch immigrant farming family it is in my blood to work without ceasing, and more tragically, to assume it is the mark of a real man. I  feel the pressure to work overtime, go in on Saturdays, and take a second job, just to accomplish as much as I could in life. However well-intended this pressure was, it quickly fostered in me a value system that put my ability to perform ahead of my intrinsic value as a child of God. Thankfully, my time in Haiti directly confront this pattern of thinking in me.

            My role in Haiti was that of a driver. As difficult as it often was, it was a wonderful and unique experience that I am certain I will always cherish. As I compare this year to previous years at Prairie I notice many differences, one of which, and probably the largest (aside from living in the Caribbean), being my personal schedule. The position I occupied in Haiti operated much like a taxi would. When people within the organization need my services (whether it was driving or any other number of things) I made myself immediately available to assist them. This type of work made it difficult to know when and how long a work day would be. For example, a typical day may have consist of taxiing a person going to the airport, repairing a water tank for a co-worker, trying to fix a truck battery, and making the most of the time slots in-between these to run personal errands. The fact that I must be available at a moment’s notice, but not always needed, means that inevitably there were many hours are spent listlessly. This type of lifestyle left me with some considerations: what constitutes an appropriate, or even godly, level of production? Why do I feel so guilty for sleeping in until nine on a Tuesday if I have no other obligations? When I am not needed, why is it so easy to be overwhelmed with anxiety and depressive thoughts? So my time in Haiti raised some good questions that I have never had to address in my previous three years at Prairie, and ironically this unregimented time has itself been the time I have to consider these questions.  

            I have come to the conclusion that production is not a bad thing (obviously) but must be filtered through the lens of the Gospel message. Through reflection I acknowledge that I have all too frequently used working and achieving to validate myself and my self-worth. I realize that it is an addiction, a drug that makes me feel useful, needed, and in control. It is important I recognize that to do so is to make my production level my center instead of allowing what Christ has done for me on the cross to give me my worth and identity. In order to avoid feelings of inadequacy and sinfulness I have displaced the cross with a performance/production-based salvation. It is scary how syncretistic this behaviour is: of course Jesus is my savior, my all-in-all, but a little achievement doesn’t hurt to affirm my worthiness.

            Furthermore, why I work, and how I view that work must continually be assessed. I work as a response to what God has done for me. I work and produce because He calls me to participate in His creation. Most importantly however, my life and salvation is not dependant on what I do or don’t do. My security, my value, and my worth all find there guarantee in the work that He has already accomplished. Thus I work from a position of assurance and not in order to achieve assurance. 

Also, I am happy to announce the birth of my newest neices: Clare and Kynslee Butler. Check out www.twoandahalfbutlers.blogspot.com for updates! 

Changes

Everyone knows spending time in places like Haiti changes you. So how has it changed me? Recently I was working on a paper for one of my online classes trying to answer this very question. To save my dedicated readers from 8 pages of academic rhetoric, the following will be the abbreviated version (in 3 parts):

The first thing I have been learning is how wonderful it is to be able to trust God. This seems like a no-brainer, of course we can trust God, He is the creator and the sustained of the universe. He, Himself took on human form in the person of Jesus and died a sinners death to free us from the power of sin. Who wouldn't trust God? But, low and behold, I am slowly starting to do that.

Allow me to explain. It was a very difficult decisions to leave Kelly, my fiancee of two weeks, standing at the security entrance in Calgary airport. It was a very conflicting moment; first, I had a strong sense of God's leading to spend my final year of college abroad, and second, I just got engaged! What kind of idiot leaves with so much to do?

Regardless I left, and decided to trust God in this tangible way, still holding the real questions of how were we going to prepare for a lifetime together if I wasn't even around for the planning stage? I had no real plan of my own, so i decided to trust that God is able to mature our relationship 3000 miles apart.

So jump to right now. Things are going pretty well, but they are also very difficult. Difficult doesn't always mean bad, especially when it comes to relationships. Kelly and I have been able to see each other twice since I left and are able to communicate in some fashion, via the internet, almost every day. Still, we are constantly miscommunicating with one another, particularly when it comes to planning our wedding in May. But we are learning to work through the challenges and continue to build a solid foundation for our future years together. Why we couldn't be working at the same location of that essential foundation together I don't know, but I am trusting God has a good reason for Kelly and I to be at opposite ends of the job site.

My conclusion is this: trust God's leading, trust His promises, and trust His character. I heard it said from a very smart man that, "Faith is merely acting on what God says." In the same way a child obeying his parents shows he trusts them.

It seems so simple, too simple. So what has God revealed to you that you need to act upon? Whether personally (prayer, leading, etc.) or corporately (the biblical witness, Christian community, etc.). Sure, its probably scary, so is driving in Haiti, but remember Him who is doing the asking.

Probably the easy topic to write about: Kelly Jean

Enjoy the Wait

A few weeks ago I was relaxing on the beach, dazing in and out consciousnesses, periodically checking the waves progression up the sand towards me. As my back absorbed the soothing heat of the sun, I couldn't help think,  "this is how I am spending my final year of college?" Travelling the world for 8 weeks followed by 6 months in the Caribbean is far different than studying in the campus library for hours at a time. What a privilege it is to study abroad like this, what a wonderful opportunity. But my thoughts did not end there, they quickly followed by a deep longing for Kelly and my family and the life that was to come back home. It was not the typical homesickness that is to be expected in changing culture; but rather realizing that my life, in many ways, is deeply relational. I do not miss my favourite food or traffic laws, I miss the people I do life with. It is hard to explain, but this time away is different than any other time. 

Along with this is my eagerness to return: I have graduation in April and my wedding in May. My life has many exciting things on the horizon, which the closer they come the more intense the desire. Like when I was a kid at Christmas, my strategy was to pretend it was not Christmas Eve or else I could not sleep. In short, the anticipation is killing me. 

I know God does amazing things in the waiting, it is here we are refined and prepared for what is to come. Maturation and growth take time, it is counter cultural yes, but important for me to learn. May I come to value this time in Haiti, which is such a blessing. May I learn to wait upon the Lord and submit to His timing, not mine.       

The following photographs were unabashedly stolen from Nathan Huisman at RoadofFilm.tumblr.com. 

 The Caribbean skyline 

 The view out the office window

Nathan adds to his portrait portfolio

Food for Thought

Living in Haiti is challenging on a daily bases; though not for the reasons you might expect. Sure, it can often take over an hour to drive five kilometres, feel like you go to bed ever night in a sauna, or only understand two words of a conversation, but those are things to be expected. What is really challenging is the people I meet, both Haitian and foreigners.

Last week seemed to be full of people living in Haiti and selflessly serving others. I met a Dutch girl who came to Haiti to teach school up in the mountains. She told me about the tarantulas in her bed, living months without cell or internet service, eating rice and beans for days, and fighting for the lives of two little babies who were rejected by their mother. She was a normal person willing to deny herself for others. 

Another friend I have down here is a young man who spends his days at the Port-au-Prince hospital. He is not trained in the medical field but rather volunteers feeding and caring for the patients. I don't know why he decided to live away from home caring for people he doesn't know, but he does, and it is something worth thinking about.

Another is a young American desperately trying to adopt a six year old Haitian girl who is handicapped. The way she cared for this girl and loved her so dearly displayed clearly God's great love for me. Finding value in someone not because of what they can do or offer to society but solely because they are human is not in our Western worldview. A powerful reminder that people are intrinsically valuable. 

These are just two stories that have got me thinking, forcing me to reconsider how I will live my life. It also got me thinking of all the people back in Canada who have been serving me so selflessly through prayer, encouragement, and finances. I have been overwhelmed with the support I have received on this trip. Thank you to everyone involved. I am beyond words in expressing my gratitude. 

Two Brothers Travels

For the first time since the Middle East, the domain twobrostravels.blogspot.com is actually documenting two brothers traveling. Booyah!

More to come... obviously.

The Day to Day

"Haiti is not just another country, it is another world." said my friend P one day while we were driving through Citi Soliel. We were on our way to take pictures of 50 children that Heartline Ministries sponsors and our truck (The Crapper) had just broke down in one of Haiti's more dangerous parts. Thankfully in Haiti when your hood is up, everyone's a mechanic. So it was only a matter of minutes before we were back on the road with two dollars less in my pocket. P said it was a good thing I had some money with me because without tipping friends quickly become enemies, and Citi Soliel is not the place for enemies.   

Stories like these are my day to day. I rise each morning unsure what the day will bring. Maybe an fellow worker needs a ride two hours out of the city to find his lost wallet, maybe a women in labour needs to go to the hospital, you just never know. I have yet to have a day without something to do. Days are long but weeks are short here in Haiti. 

Thess kids are part of Heartline's child sponsorship program. Here I am helping P get new photos and letters to sent to their supporters. 

The majority of my time is spend driving around Port au Prince. It is a great way to see the sites and meet some interesting people along the way. He is a typical road on a typical day.

Last Sunday I took this green 124cc moto on a 10 hour ride through the back trails of Haiti's mountains (not on purpose, our destination was the coastal city of Jacmel). This picture captures the excitedment of finally finding asphalt after four hours of goat trailes. Photo credit to my fellow rider Deke. 

1 Month Later

Like a new born baby: time flies.

It may be a little stretch to compare my experience in Haiti to having a new child, but the fact remains, it is going by quickly. I am having a wonderful experience in Haiti's capital and feel extremely honoured to be here.

 

My days are filled and then emptied,

busy then free

Plans are made with pencil,

and laughing is required

The flux of life is welcomed,

and becomes the cure for much

Those that cannot adjust,

are bitter, despaired, then gone

 

Friends are necessary again,

and stories rise above the screen

Life ends with every night,

and is given again each morning

The poverty is in your face,

but then again so is art, food, and fun

Time remains a commodity,

but with nothing to buy is spent on others

 

Mesi Haiti pour your gifts,

may I be a gracious guest

 

Finally Stationary

Fifteen flights and nine countries later I am in Haiti. My travels have finished for at least six months and I am very happy to be here. Haiti has impressed me over and over with its vibrant colours, endless chatter, and to-die-for food. To make this blog post sensitive to our attention-less generation I will break it down into point form:

Where am I? Just north of Port-au-Prince
What am I? I am an intern for an organization called Heartline (www.heartlineministries.org)
Who am I? A driver, gofer-boy, tour guild, handy-man, and full time student.
When am I? I will be here until the end of April after which I will return home to graduate college.
How am I? I am do quite well thank you.

My Haitian Informer: P aka Mob Squad

 

L'Union Fait La Force (Unity Makes Strength)