The Return of the Canadian

As I flew out of the Port-au-Prince airport I could not help but think of the many wonderful friends and memories I had made in Haiti. Although my time was rather short in the grand scheme of things, it was full of many once-in-a-lifetime experiences. Some highlights are: (1) Getting lost for 5 hours in the mountains on the way to Jacmel with Deke, Ti Cat, and Jenny; (2) a successful attempt with Nick Middleton on the motos to Jacmel, with a quick dip in Bassin Blue; (3) Having a few solid ‘moments’ with my roommate Drew; (4) Getting to know my future in-laws better and enjoying their wonderful hospitality; (5) Showing my Mother, Father, and Brother around Port-au-Prince; (6) Ice cream at the Deck; (7) and Sherlock. 

How would have thought spending 6 months in Haiti would have been so much fun. Though it is a place of immense suffering it is also an island with much to offer the world. What a privilege to be allowed entry into such a world, for Haiti is indeed, another world.

For those that are following my blog and have been getting to know my internship host’s, Heartline Ministry, please continue to be aware of the important work they are doing. I am especially supportive of the Maternity Centre and the difference it is making in the health and lives of vulnerable mothers and babies. It will be hard to forget the many international and local workers that are dedicating their lives to the people of Haiti. You know who you are! (See links below for more information on the projects and people I was involved with in Haiti.)

My Haitian Family: 

Junior, Nick, Josh, Chandler, Anashama, John, Brennon, Drew, Jenny, Mandi, Suzan, Allan, Michelle, Troy, Beth, Beth, Rosevelt, and P. 

It is hard to believe it is all over—what a worthwhile experience. There are so many people to say thank you to: Emma Emgard and the rest of the Prairie Staff; my fellow GlobeTREKkers Josh, Graham, Candy, and Stephen; My church family back in Smithers who supported me beyond expectation; my Family; and finally my lovely fiancée Kelly, who spent far too many days without me. Thank you all! 

A few photos that go missed along the way

Riga, Latvia

Beijing, China

 Beijing, China

 Angkor Wat, Cambodia

 Chang Mia, Thailand

The Great Wall, China

 Peter and Sarah, Germany

Secret Underground Bunker, Latvia

Fait la Force: www.faitlaforce.com

Rebuild Globally: www.rebuildglobally.org

Heartline: www.heartlineministries.org

Production

They say if you haven't updated your blog within a month then you don't actually have a blog. I guess I just made it:

           Before I left for GlobeTREK I would have proudly identified myself by my work ethic. Coming from a Dutch immigrant farming family it is in my blood to work without ceasing, and more tragically, to assume it is the mark of a real man. I  feel the pressure to work overtime, go in on Saturdays, and take a second job, just to accomplish as much as I could in life. However well-intended this pressure was, it quickly fostered in me a value system that put my ability to perform ahead of my intrinsic value as a child of God. Thankfully, my time in Haiti directly confront this pattern of thinking in me.

            My role in Haiti was that of a driver. As difficult as it often was, it was a wonderful and unique experience that I am certain I will always cherish. As I compare this year to previous years at Prairie I notice many differences, one of which, and probably the largest (aside from living in the Caribbean), being my personal schedule. The position I occupied in Haiti operated much like a taxi would. When people within the organization need my services (whether it was driving or any other number of things) I made myself immediately available to assist them. This type of work made it difficult to know when and how long a work day would be. For example, a typical day may have consist of taxiing a person going to the airport, repairing a water tank for a co-worker, trying to fix a truck battery, and making the most of the time slots in-between these to run personal errands. The fact that I must be available at a moment’s notice, but not always needed, means that inevitably there were many hours are spent listlessly. This type of lifestyle left me with some considerations: what constitutes an appropriate, or even godly, level of production? Why do I feel so guilty for sleeping in until nine on a Tuesday if I have no other obligations? When I am not needed, why is it so easy to be overwhelmed with anxiety and depressive thoughts? So my time in Haiti raised some good questions that I have never had to address in my previous three years at Prairie, and ironically this unregimented time has itself been the time I have to consider these questions.  

            I have come to the conclusion that production is not a bad thing (obviously) but must be filtered through the lens of the Gospel message. Through reflection I acknowledge that I have all too frequently used working and achieving to validate myself and my self-worth. I realize that it is an addiction, a drug that makes me feel useful, needed, and in control. It is important I recognize that to do so is to make my production level my center instead of allowing what Christ has done for me on the cross to give me my worth and identity. In order to avoid feelings of inadequacy and sinfulness I have displaced the cross with a performance/production-based salvation. It is scary how syncretistic this behaviour is: of course Jesus is my savior, my all-in-all, but a little achievement doesn’t hurt to affirm my worthiness.

            Furthermore, why I work, and how I view that work must continually be assessed. I work as a response to what God has done for me. I work and produce because He calls me to participate in His creation. Most importantly however, my life and salvation is not dependant on what I do or don’t do. My security, my value, and my worth all find there guarantee in the work that He has already accomplished. Thus I work from a position of assurance and not in order to achieve assurance. 

Also, I am happy to announce the birth of my newest neices: Clare and Kynslee Butler. Check out www.twoandahalfbutlers.blogspot.com for updates! 

Changes

Everyone knows spending time in places like Haiti changes you. So how has it changed me? Recently I was working on a paper for one of my online classes trying to answer this very question. To save my dedicated readers from 8 pages of academic rhetoric, the following will be the abbreviated version (in 3 parts):

The first thing I have been learning is how wonderful it is to be able to trust God. This seems like a no-brainer, of course we can trust God, He is the creator and the sustained of the universe. He, Himself took on human form in the person of Jesus and died a sinners death to free us from the power of sin. Who wouldn't trust God? But, low and behold, I am slowly starting to do that.

Allow me to explain. It was a very difficult decisions to leave Kelly, my fiancee of two weeks, standing at the security entrance in Calgary airport. It was a very conflicting moment; first, I had a strong sense of God's leading to spend my final year of college abroad, and second, I just got engaged! What kind of idiot leaves with so much to do?

Regardless I left, and decided to trust God in this tangible way, still holding the real questions of how were we going to prepare for a lifetime together if I wasn't even around for the planning stage? I had no real plan of my own, so i decided to trust that God is able to mature our relationship 3000 miles apart.

So jump to right now. Things are going pretty well, but they are also very difficult. Difficult doesn't always mean bad, especially when it comes to relationships. Kelly and I have been able to see each other twice since I left and are able to communicate in some fashion, via the internet, almost every day. Still, we are constantly miscommunicating with one another, particularly when it comes to planning our wedding in May. But we are learning to work through the challenges and continue to build a solid foundation for our future years together. Why we couldn't be working at the same location of that essential foundation together I don't know, but I am trusting God has a good reason for Kelly and I to be at opposite ends of the job site.

My conclusion is this: trust God's leading, trust His promises, and trust His character. I heard it said from a very smart man that, "Faith is merely acting on what God says." In the same way a child obeying his parents shows he trusts them.

It seems so simple, too simple. So what has God revealed to you that you need to act upon? Whether personally (prayer, leading, etc.) or corporately (the biblical witness, Christian community, etc.). Sure, its probably scary, so is driving in Haiti, but remember Him who is doing the asking.

Probably the easy topic to write about: Kelly Jean